She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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