I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
