In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
