it's like iHOP with fire
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
