I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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