marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We left the knife in your bed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
