I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
