I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
