Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
