I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
