Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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