I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
