So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
