is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
