Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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