he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
