remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
