so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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