i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
