We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
