I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
