you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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