Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
