u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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