Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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