I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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