Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
