yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
