I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
