Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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