Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
