There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
