i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
