So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
