We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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