She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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