Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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