Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
These tits shall not be calmed
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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