i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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