Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
