I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
