dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
