So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
