flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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