I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
