I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hippo gnu deer
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
