who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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