Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
