I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
