Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
