So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
