my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
