I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
