I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
