Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
