I cannot find my penis.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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