At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
